Conflicting emotions

So here's the dilema, to TTC or not to TTC? And that is the question.

I have been saying for the last 2 years that I reall want to have another baby but have put it off until I got married. Hubby and I got married in Feb 2009 and immediately stopped the BC. We havent been trying for very long but the journey itself is very emotionally draining. Getting a BFN every month is just to depressing.
On the other hand though, as a believer I must trust God to provide and fulfill according to his plan and only He knows when our time will come. Maybe the reason we havent been successful to date is because it is not God's time for us?

And that is the dilema. Do we try nothing and leave it in God's hands or do we try at the risk that we will continue down our road of depressing BFN's?

And life goes on....

Two weeks ago, my hubby's best friend passed away in a car accident :( He was only 23yrs old. If that wasnt enough, a week after that hubby's grandmother passed away :( She was 89yrs old and has been in and out of hospital for the last year. Even though we were expecting Nana to go, it still came as a huge shock to us and I miss her so much. Needless to say I am disgusted and appauled about how hubby's family has handled her death. It doesnt seem like they care at all, rather this is a huge weight lifted off their shoulders. They not even gonna have a memorial or funeral or anything :(
I have been walking around like a Zombie for the last week, one day I am fine and the next so down and depressed.
Life however does ago on but how do you say goodbye and move on?

To Claudio and Nana: Although I havent known you that long, your presence in this world has made a huge impact on my life. You were two of the greatest people I have ever had the privellage of knowing and I will miss you so much. The memory of you will live on in my heart for the rest of my life, I will never forget.
All my love, forever

What a month

It's been awhile since I updated my blog, life has been a little hectic and also I was trying not to focus on TTC to much.
I had a car accident but thank the Lord no one was hurt as Shannon and Karl were in the car with me. Yes it is my 3rd one in 2 years but that doesnt make me a bad driver and I'm so tiered of my family saying that I am. Accidents happen people, its not like any of you are expert drivers so I wish you would all just get off my case!
On the upside though, my courtesy car is an absolute beauty :) New model Toyota Corolla Sedan :) Oh, and the reaction I got from the family "Are they crazy, do they know what you did to your car?" Dont be jealous because I get to drive around in a better car than you guys!

Anyway, AF arrived yesterday which means another BFN :( I am so disappointed coz I really felt so positive about this month. She brought with her those extremely painful cramps again too, feel like my insides are being ripped out. Wish I could have stayed in bed, curled up in the feotal position with my hot water bottle all day - but no suck luck :(

Today, I really feel that life sucks!